You're so pretty...for a big girl...UGHHHHH

I refuse to be pretty for a big girl...I am just pretty...simple

So there I am...walking through the mall, looking all cute, ended up seeing a friend of mine who I had not seen in a while, and with her was one of her friends. My girlfriend proceeded to introduce me to her friend (whom I later found out was her cousin) and her cousin looks at me and says ever soooooo sweetly...

"You know you are sooooooo pretty....for a big girl"

My response was literally "ummm...thanks" and I quickly refocused on my friend and what we've both been up to since we last saw each other. After walking away from that somewhat awkward situation I could not help but feel a bit annoyed. And that annoyance quickly converted to a feeling of being insulted...

PRETTY FOR A BIG GIRL??? WHAT!!!!!! (>_<) <<<-----my facial expression in case you're wondering...

So does it mean that all big girls aren't pretty?? Also, does it mean that being big is unattractive??? 

Sighhhhh....the slender ideal lingers in my head...Now I am not anti-skinny, I firmly believe that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, but I feel like the media pushes this slender norm so much upon us that we've come to accept it as the ONLY form of beauty out there. I mean, look at mainstream television shows, music videos, as well as print advertisements. Although there are a few exceptions, the majority shows the ideal woman being tall and slender with long flowing hair (hmmm...maybe the long hair ideology is probably why some people are so obsessed with weave, but that's a whole other blog.)

To me...saying that I'm pretty for a big girl is pretty much telling me that I'm not pretty by regular standards. Its like you're lowering the bar on my beauty just because I'm thick/fat/chubby/plump/fluffy/mampee (my trini peeps would know mampee lol) or whatever other term you wish to refer me as. The sad thing is this isn't the first time I've heard that type of pseudo compliment, I've also gotten...

"Fuh ah darkie...yuh rel bess" (translation: For a dark skinned girl you are beautiful)
"You sure you not mix up?? yuh hair rel soft and curly" (translation: Are you sure you're not of a mixed ethnicity?? You hair is so soft and curly)

With compliments like these...who needs insults????

I wish I could see forms of beauty being equally represented in society...
I wish compliments came without clauses...


I WISH SOCIETY COULD SEE THE BEAUTY IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES...
All a girl can do is wish I guess...


Regards.
Tshenelle aka Nelly B.